Atlantia 12th Night 2025

This event has taken up most of my free time. I am event steward for my first large event since moving to Atlantia. I've done smaller events, but it's been a minute since I've done a Kingdom level event. The barony has made site tokens, we have merchants setup, contests in place. I need to figure out how to stream the Bardic and get it announced to those that are unable to attend in person.

In the course of my research for this event, I came across the poet Catullus, who was given a book of bad poetry as a gift on Saturnalia. I find this proof of the origin of Vogon Poetry and therefore it must be a contest. So it is said:

Give me your worst!

"If I did not love you more than my eyes,

most delightful Calvus, I would hate you

with a Vitinian hatred because of that gift of yours:

for what did I do or what did I say,

why do you ruin me with so many bad poets?

May the gods pile many adversities on that client,

who sent to you such a pack of sinners.

But if, as I do suspect, this new and choice

gift does Sulla the schoolmaster give you,

I am not upset, but rather well pleased,

since your labors haven't been wasted.

Great gods above, that horrible and cursed little book!

Surely you sent it to your Catullus,

so that he might die, again and again, on that day,

during the Saturnalia too, the best of days!

It won't end like this for you, oh no, my clever one.

For, if there is light, to the booksellers'

shelves will I dash, and Caesius, Aquinus,

Suffenus, the entire poisonous collection:

I will repay you with these punishments.

You bad poets, meanwhile, farewell, get out of here,

go to that place, from where you got your bad feet.

Curses of our time, very bad poets."

Catullus was gifted with a book of the worst poetry for Sigillaria by his friend Calvus.

The Event Steward, Lady Christina O'Cleary, asks the question "What was in this book?" Write a bad poem, worthy of being captured in this book of very bad poets. Period style a plus, horrible jokes and puns appreciated, pieces may be written or performed.

To learn more about Catullus: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/gaius-valerius-catullus